Goodbye Friday

I met you years ago, thru a random friend of your then boyfriend. Ryan became a good friend and then you waltzed in. We all talked online for years and then entered my abusive boyfriend..

Between you and Ryan I survived. I know we had our arguments at times, but we always came back together.

You always had an outlandish story ready from the past, everything from your raising in Houston, to traveling the country with Ryan and without.

I was there when things got bad with this guy or that. I was there when you started having back pain, and the numbness set in.

You were there when relationships turned to shit and when things were great. So many nights we played cards against humanity online, and we would talk for hours about doctor who and other silly shows.

I was one of the first people to cheer when you got approved for disability, so that you could finally get diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

You made the most intricate beadwork, and I am honored to have one such things. It sits on that little wood carved skull I made that you wanted so bad. I should have given it to you.

I know your real name. Not the one you used every single day who you made your own. I used it to call the police, to find out definitively what happened. You were only 34, and that’s fucking bullshit. You, ms or no, should still be here.

I will never forgive your boyfriend… Partner… Idiot lazy fuck, that took you from me. I was supposed to call you today and let you know all about my birthday trip to Memphis and beale street.

You’d revel in what all happened, how good the music was. You’d have loved some of the stories and you’d love to see the roses the dear boyfriend and I created at the metal museum.

I saw things all weekend that I’d have picked up for you. I even picked up my phone today to call you.

But now all that’s left is your energy and the memories.

If only your person would have called an ambulance before you died, if only he’d have realized a boil shouldn’t kill a person. Then you’d have had the antibiotics to live and still be here. But no. He is an idiot and shouldn’t be allowed to keep living free, because he neglected you until you died.

The Healthcare system failed you for years, and I failed you because I didn’t know you were sick, so I couldn’t tell you to go to the emergency room.

Your life was finally pretty gravy and then you were just gone. When you finally lived close enough for us to spend time together covid made it difficult then, then… You are gone.

I joked the other day that the worst thing about you being gone was that I no longer got to say “my friend Friday” because older people would laugh in relation to dragnet.

The worst thing is you are gone. I didn’t get to say goodbye. And goddamnit I miss you.