Over Anxiety Over it

Yesterday I broke down and called my doctor to have them call me in some more anti-depressants.  My life is going great, but I’m still depressed.  It’s inside, it’s not an exterior stimuli causing it.  I’ve been depressed for the majority of my life, and sometimes you just need medical help.

I don’t need to spend time in a hospital now.  I’m not that depressed, I just need medication.  Walmart has failed me, and did not fill the prescription, I’ll have to wait to start today.

But the real reason is this, my aunt  and uncle are my doctor.  Since I was born.   I called my aunt to ask for the medication and the first thing she said was “Why do you need it?  I thought you had a good life.”

I feel the need to point out readers, that the best life, doesn’t equate not having depression.

“I do have a great life, great friends, plenty to do, but I still have depression.”

“Don’t you still have your boyfriend?”  Now I’m perfectly fine with PC and I and where we are in our exploration of now and what comes next, but this tossed me firmly in the land of not your business, butt out, and suddenly my right hand was shaking.  From 2pm on.

“I have a wonderful man that I am dating.”

“Oh, so you just don’t call him your boyfriend, good to know.  Yea I’ll call in your meds.  It’ll be there when you get off work.”

Steps to full anxiety attack
1. break down and finally ask for medication for depression
2. Be grilled about everything and anything, then finally about the guy you are madly in like with.
3. Drive to next town to see Guy, and Friends, and find that the freaking pharmacy doesn’t have it.
4. Call Aunt and she says she sent it in at 2pm.
5.  Sit down to play Imperial Assault with your three closest individuals, and start to play, realize the anxiety isn’t abating, and in fact it’s getting worse.
6.  Realize your right hand is shaking bad enough that PC asks if you are ok.
7.  Grab fidgit cube, and spinner from purse, along with half an anxiety medication.
8.  Proceed to use the fidgit cube, until someone wants to see it, then go to fidgit spinner.
9.  Watching the blue green metalic circle made from rapidly spinning legs of the spinner, comibined with the good friends, the hug from pc, the open ear, and the medication, I came down pretty quick.   Nice calm, Madison.  Back to normal. (Or as normal as I’ll ever be.)

We finished the night later than I should have, and PC walked me to my car, a few kisses later, and an uttered goodnight, we were leaving.  Though one thing that made me, continues to make me smile.

PC:  “I’ll see you friday.”  He grins as he rests his forehead against mine, his hazel eyes staring intently into my own.  “And I can’t wait for that.”
Me:  “I know, I really like Fridays.”  And my own hazel eyes looked up into his own, as i smiled.
Pc:  “Unless you can think of something you need at the store (Where he works), tomorrow, I mean I work 2-9.”
Me:  “The only thing I can think of, is a beautiful man with a fresh wound to his right eyebrow, that will make an impressive scar.”

He grinned.  Oh how he grinned.  If this were tv, or a cartoon he’d have kicked his heels together as he jumped.

Me:  “So I may swing by there before I go home, since you know I generally leave the game night at around 8 pm anyway, that gives me plenty of time to swing by the store.”
PC:  “good.  good night, Maddy.”  Kiss, light, still enough to have my breath hitch in my chest. “Please let me know you’ve made it home alright.”
Me:  “Aww shucks, I think You’d miss me if something happened.”
PC has this incredulous look on his face:  “Of course I’d miss you!”  Hugged tight.
Me:  “I’d miss you too.”
Pc:  “You’d be dead..”
Me:  “I’d still miss you.”



Little secret.

I miss him now.  I’ll miss him until I see him again.  It’s the way this heart of mine seems to work


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