I’ve become my least favorite lead. The romantic comedy heroine. The one that pines for the guy, that does everything she can to make the guy like her.
I’m not getting healthy for him. Solely for me. I’m not into boardgames for him, those are my hobbies. But I’d do just about anything to keep the pretense that he might one day like me.
This is not only ridiculous, it’s pathetic. I am better than this. But…. then again.
Maybe I’m not. MAYBE I accept that I can never have the guy I want. Maybe JUST maybe I’m ok. The status is definitely quo.
I”m the idiot that is trying to set up the two guys that i’m even remotely interested in with other people, because they aren’t interested in me. And lets be honest, if I sit here quietly and think about it, I will cry. (oops there they go.. stupid tears). But if these guys can be happy so be it.
Just because I’m a loser and stupid at love, doesn’t mean everyone has to be.
No. I don’t want to talk.
Also hearing how i’m wrong for my feelings, or hearing how he’s an asshole, isn’t going to endear me to further talks. I know I’m an idiot. I’ve been one since birth. I know that I deserve better, but guess what I don’t. If I did, IF I DID. I’d have had it by now.
Maybe I’m too broken, and too stupid and used up for anyone? And maybe my standards are too high. They aren’t very many. But fuck if I’m going to lower them again and end up back where I started from.
also… my group of friends is a sham for ‘lets get with the friend of maddy’s.’ So.. there is that. ok that’s not entirely true, we are friends we have been before she came into the group THROUGH ME. but… alas, again I’m the ugly duckling out.