One day someone will tell me I’m beautiful.
Not on a dating site to get me to drive however fucking far to screw them.
One day someone will look me in the eyes and tell me that i’m exactly what they want.
I’ll be the person they want to spend time with, not the person that they begrudgingly give their time to, because someone else won’t.
If I don’t keep that small little glimmer of hope how will I ever be able to wake up day in and day out.. alone.
But is it wrong of me to accept that small glimmer of something, that little sliver of interest and run with it for just the few minutes that it is offered? Maybe it is. Maybe I’m wrong. But damn it I’m tired of being so fucking lonely.
He made me feel something for the first time in forever. A simple question that should have infuriated me by all rightful response. It didn’t. It actually made me feel as if I wasn’t this worthless pile of shit that I struggle with every day.
His inner battle with the monologue he both wanted to say and didn’t want to say said way more than the question he finally finagled from his lips. I do not believe that question will be asked again, but it was nice to even hear it once.
And he asks if it’s due to feelings that I refused… There are no feelings there. He did well on squashing those early on. I’m ok. I’m not upset over any of this. I’m depressed because of a lot of things, but He is not one.
I joined OKC the other day. So far it’s been a lot of confusing. A lot of the same old same old. There have been a lot of good christian boys (who I won’t be speaking to). THen there were the same old same old. Disabled, Wheelchair OhYouWillStillLikeMe, types. The ones that expect that if they message you with “Hey your Beautiful, wanna have a ‘fun’ time” You’ll just drop your panties and race right over to them. Those that have no interest in anything to do with you except to screw, and then it’s on their terms.
I also had to deal with Kermit the Fucking Frog yesterday. Some guy had a Kermit meme as their profile pic, and that guy was the rudest guy ever. I didn’t want to talk to him, but as it was slow at work, I thought why not.
Boiled down to me telling him my hard limits, and that I was not into muppetsex. But you have a great fucking day Kermit, Miss Piggie out.
But You live you Learn, you get loves…
Yea someday someone will think I’m beautiful, and love me.. But I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon.