Many years ago I was invited to a poker tournament. Top pay was 1500 dollars, and I was so game. However, my car was a grade A POS. I’m fairly certain that Adam Sandler must have ridden in my vehicle at some point to make the song by the same name.
So that left me with a 2 hour drive to the tournament, and a vehicle that may or not make it. Enter Good Guy. He had been a friend for a long time, and his ex girlfriend was also a good friend of mine. He offered to drive me down, and his ex was all for it. She literally told me “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” before we headed out.
The tournament was fun, except an idiot with no skill, lucked out on the river and took me out at the fun level of 69th. I watched her the remainder of the tourney and she managed the luckiest damn draws I’ve ever seen. And she’d scream with every win. She may have been the most annoying person I’ve ever known.
The tournament ended with Good Guy winning. So afterwards instead of going home, we went to a Comedy club. The comedians were great, the beer was free, and I got plastered. 2 hours home, and I was STILL plastered.
Good Guy made the call that I couldn’t drive home yet. He was correct. He probably shouldn’t have driven home either, but we survived! (Bad move guys, don’t do it.)
We sat around in his living room talking, and watching tv for about thirty minutes, when we moved to the bedroom. And the bedroom was decorated with the largest damn bed I’d ever seen. I sat down on it, and the fun began.
He was a wonderful thoughtful lover, and made sure that I had a wonderful time. At any time he thought ‘We shouldn’t be doing this, you are drunk” I’d say something to the effect that “It’s ok. It’s ok.”
We finished and by the end of the long session, I felt able to drive home. And though he offered to let me just sleep there, I chose to go home.
I was off work the next day, and I didn’t leave my house, I didn’t call my best friend. I didn’t call his ex (my good friend). I stayed home. Until I needed another pack of cigarettes.
Yes readers, I was a smoker back in the day.
So I drove the 15 or so miles to town, to purchase a pack of cigarettes, and I noticed a tan chevy van tailing me as I drove around town, at one point it attempted to run me off the road. For the next few days I was super paranoid about where I was going, and what I was doing.
Then my phone rang. Enter Random Friend Girl
RFG: Madison, I need you to come to my house so you can work this out with Ex.
Me: Why? Just tell her to quit trying to kill me, and I’ll just leave her the fuck alone.
RFG: Come on You guys are friends, you can fix this.
Me: What is there to fix?!
I finally relented and chose to go over at four in the afternoon the next day. Grabbed a friend to go with, in case I needed back up.
Sure enough as we walked through the door Ex was sitting on the couch across from the front entrance. “How could you!?”
“how could I do what?” I asked with slight confusion.
“Sleep with Good Guy?”
“How do you figure I slept with Good Guy?”
“It’s all over fucking town! You slept with him. I thought you were my friend.”
“I AM your friend. But what I and Good Guy did or did not do has no baring on that fact. The fact that you have tried to run me off the road, that holds a LOT on you being MY friend, and you being SANE.”
She takes this time to jump off the couch, and RGF jumps between us. She puts her hand back on EX and sets her down on the couch once more.
“I don’t know if you should attempt that EX. I have known Madison a long ass time, and she once stood up to my abusive husband when I was leaving him. You never met him, he was not a small man. She was not afraid. I am absolutely sure she’d lay you out.”
I feel I should impart a bit of information here. I’d never been in a fist fight at this point in my life. the only one I’ve been in since, was to keep a drunk friend from being killed at a bar a few months later. A gnarly bruise to my breasts, and blood all over them and the shirt that was ripped away, was the only souvenir.
So EX sat down and I walked down the room to the second couch, sat down, pulled my feet up under me while I was sure this would be a long winded argument.
It was. round and round the mulberry bush we traveled, with ‘why? how? What WERE YOU THINKINGs?’
Finally After I decided I’d had enough I just in exasperation said “Look I didn’t mean for it to happen it just did.”
“Oh you mean like an accident? What did you clothes fly off and you accidentally land on his dick?! Was it MAGIC?”
And I swear to whatever you believe in, I couldn’t stop myself. “Well it was really fucking good, but I don’t know if I’d qualify it as magic.”
At some point GoodGuy was called. Both Ex and RFG called him, he refused to answer. So I called, first ring and his voiced came over the speaker. He shows up and walks in. Choosing to sit next to me on the far couch.
Oh Lord, this was not going to go my way.
The whole thing spiraled until EX decided it was done. I sat back and let it play out in front of me.
EX: How could you do this to me?
GG: Do what?
EX: Cheat on me.
GG: We broke up if you remember.
EX: But I’m your girlfriend.
EX: Shut up. I love you GG, How could you have sex with HER.
GG: She was there, we were both intoxicated and willing….
EX: But I’m your Girlfriend.
EX: Shut up.
On and on and on this goes, each time she says I’m your girlfiend, I’d say ex, by the end the whole room was saying it in unison.
At the end we somehow managed to salvage the friendship, but it was never as good as it once was. I could never trust her not to go crazy again and try to run me off the road. She and GG rekindled their relationship for about a month, and then it ended once more.
I moved off, away, and out of that weird group of people and have been mostly better for it, mostly.