I looked him up today.
I don’t know why.
I think I missed the sound of his lies.
Those very words that used to hold so much promise and hope for a future together in the East, but now they all rang hollow. The promises, those words of relationship of maybe love, but in reality it was nothing more than lip service.
I stared at his photo today. Long and hard, dragging out all the imperfections in his eye(s), his face, his smile. I remember how very hard it was to keep his attention. How I had to put myself last, behind everyone and everything, and to speak ad nauseum.
If I didn’t call daily, he’d seemingly disappear, then claim that I had gotten over him, and at some point all I wanted was to speak to him, hear his voice, note the nuances in the inflections of the timber of the sound.
I guess it makes sense that doesn’t just go away. But by now I should be better right? I shouldn’t crave to hear him, or to talk about the mundane workings of his day. It’s not supposed to be a thing, especially after so many weeks of doing without.
But I missed him today.