I can close my eyes and still see you. Not your face, but your essence, the very thing that drew me to you in the first place. I now know you feel nothing for me, but it does change the fact that I enjoy your presence. I enjoy speaking with you at length, and I want to be your friend.
Unfortunately, you are not the guy I thought you were, You can not look past the extra lbs, and the hideousness that is me to see the great person I am inside. I’m not the ‘right’ shape or size, and therefore I’m not good enough.
I get it.
I don’t like me much either.
But knowing what I know now, should that not change the way I see you when I close my eyes?
Alas, it does not. I still see the crinkles, the eyes, the heart, the soul. I still see the wounded guy who needs friends.. But maybe, ah just maybe, I do see you differently.
I see that you can’t look past my flaws and see the person beneath. I see that I’m not good enough, but not due to who I am, but what I look like. I can change how I look, but you, oh no, you will never be able to change who you inherently are.
And for the most part that’s a great guy that’s been hurt. But there’s that portion of you that is an asshole. I’ve had enough assholes.