Thoughts and shit.

Ever the eloquent writer, the title is all I have in me today.




Actually, no.  I have so many thoughts I can’t define a title.  Lets go until I run out of time, or out of steam.

  1.  Marriage.  It’s supposed to be until death do you part, but I have so many divorced friends, and divorcing friends.  It’s not cool, It’s just sad. Of course I will NEVER be privy to just HOW sad, as anything other than a child of divorce, because I can’t find a guy to even date me once, much less twice, have a relationship, or get married.

    I’ve spent years with men who won’t even say they love me, and then I have friends like JW that have been married for 9 years, have a child together, and have invested 13 years with his wife, and she tells him “I have to find my happiness for myself.”  She’s in the process of leaving him and their son.

    I don’t get it.  It breaks my heart.  Another guy who I’d have given my left tit to date when I was younger, and now he’s going to be broken, by someone who never knew what she had.

    I thought marriage was for.. well forever.  I thought that when you found someone you just made it fucking work.  It is Until Death Do Us Part, not Until I Find Someone Better, or Until Life Gets Shitty.  But what do I know I’m a single 37 year old wanna be writer.

    I still have great dreams of meeting someone who treats me marginally better than dogshit.

  2. Favorite books.  I’m currently listening to the Virtual Mode by Piers Anthony on Audible for the first time, I have read it a million times, and I forget how much I am the main character. Colene, she is a depressive/suicidal character who falls in love with a man from another (earth) mode.  He has to find love that will help share his laughter with the masses of his mode, but she is suicidal, and will not be suitable, and he leaves her in her home mode.

    The book continues upon both Darius (The man) and Colene’s adventures on the mode, but I know full well how she feels.  I’ve been more and more depressed lately.  Since before Valentine’s day.  I’ve been fighting it, more and more with friends, and boardgames…

    But I’m as ever.  Depressed.

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