I can’t live in books, or TV. To have a life, I have to go out and live it. I can’t breathe stuck in a house for ages at a time, with no place to go but bed. Depression has held me down, slicked on my skin like the sheen of sweat.
How do you fight it? You find things to do. You go out, you meet people. But how?!
In my case I called up some cousins and asked what they were doing the next day and found a brilliant group of gaming friends. We actually have a grouping or a guild of us. We have set days to meet and play games, you make friends within these safe confines.
You form crushes. Ah, there’s the rub. A crush. I will not write soliloquies denoting his eyes, and the clear hazel that peeks out behind the crinkles when he laughs, nor will I beguile you with how his hair is the color of firelight that yellow-orange-red flame.
Because the crush is new, and like all things it will falter.
And I am not ready for more than idle gazing at the sun. For I’ve been burnt far too many times, and my wax wings were stripped as i flew too high.
I’d far rather befriend, rather than bewilder. I’d rather joke and laugh and enjoy an evening with people, than to pine away the hours until our next chance encounter. So I will endeavor to fill those moments with life, and housework, and the trivial menial things we all must do.
I know the darkness will fight back, and I will once more bathe in the light to remove the stench of it, but for now… For now, I am winning.