Christmas has always been about families. My Christmases are no exception, so to be the only single left in my immediate family, to be the only single at my larger family gathering, well it has always left a sour feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I have always wanted my own kids, my own husband, my own family. I however feel as if I have to piggy back on everyone else. I buy my nieces and nephews tons of gifts, because I have no one to buy for myself. And that’s OK. I would rather give my gifts to those that will enjoy them the most. My loved ones and friends.
This year I have not been looking forward to ‘his gifts’ or to buying ‘him’ something. That’s fine. I’m really more excited this year than in earlier years.
Why? Oh dear reader I’ll tell you why.
- No one to tell me not to. No one saying “you should be saving that to move here with me, or Don’t you have other bills?” Suffice it to say if I have other bills, I will not buy that 2 dollar toy, i’ll put it towards the bill.
- No one to make me miss them. Oh Don’t misread that I will not miss him, we all know i’m not over it yet. I will still miss ‘him’ but I’ve not had him in 3 years, and the year before that I had no one and the 3 before that I was being treated like shit or hit. So far this year may be the best year ever.
- No negativity this year. Last year I waited for him to get home from his Aunts and Uncles house to talk about Christmas, and to hear how the whole ordeal was just stupid, and that if he’d not brought a 12 pack of (insert alcoholic beverage here) that he’d have just stayed home. (Now please remember I’d went to him with how bad my nerves had gotten playing the longest game of dirty Santa ever.. You know what hold that thought)
- No dirty Santa. Last year we had 35 people playing the longest game ever. Two switches before the item you really wanted to get was gone for good. Oh there’s something better, but it’s gone in the next two rounds. This went on for the entirety of the game, by the final person to pick, he just went to the last gift to end the game. The problem with Dirty Santa is even if every single person puts something they want into the game, there’s always one person that gets a crap gift. And with 35 people my anxiety meter was off the charts, add in screaming/screeching I just couldn’t deal.
- It’s actually COLD THIS YEAR! In previous years it’s been near 60 at Christmas, the high today is 45. No it’s not a land where the air hurts my face, but it’s cold enough for right now.