I had 4 hours of dental work today. I wanted to call him as soon as I regained speaking ability. I watched a show and it made me think of him, I wanted to call him again. I never blocked him. Maybe it would be easier had I done so, but I didn’t want to lose him.
How silly am I really? You only have a few modes of date/conversation in a long term relationship. I unfollowed/unfriended him on Facebook. Apparently that is the end of it. I’m glad I’m not holding my breath until he calls me, or texts me, or even I don’t know visits me. I’d have died two weeks ago.
Every night I lay down to bed, I think of him. I dream of the future he promised. I think of the winters in the north, where it actually snows, and the friends I wanted to make/be with in that area.
But then just behind those thoughts are the fact that he’s not hurting, he’s not calling, He’s not thinking of me. In fact he most likely has never thought of me, not the way I did. I was a possible financial backer, someone to help him get a better apartment.
He has that now. He has a friend, a female, who kept having apartment woes, he can use her income to help him out and get out of the apartment with the ac that doesn’t work half of the time. He doesn’t have to pretend that he likes me, because he never once said he loved me.
Right now He’s at the comic shop playing warmahordes, and I’m doing what I did every Friday night for the past 3 years… (except tonight it’s due to dental work).
And I still want to talk to him. It’s hard to break a habit after all.