Random Utterings… (alone in the office)

Every joint in my body aches today.  From my bad shoulder to the water heater knee from when I was younger.  My right ankle is swollen and black, and I have no reason for that to be the case.  I’m growing old in a world that doesn’t even like me, and I don’t know if I like it either.  I’m sitting at the desk here at work with tears threatening to spill over and down my cheeks.  For no reason other than they are there.

Music is playing in the background, I couldn’t handle my usual melancholy today so it’s been 90s grunge.

My hands are shaking either from anxiety or the four cups of tea I’ve had today to stay awake.   I just reread Hunger Games for the fiftieth time, and have decided without a doubt I’ll complete Peeta’s story, once I have my Brother-in-law email it to me off my laptop he’s borrowed for school.

I’m even saddened by the end of that book.  I think that if Haymitch would have kept his nose out of it, that they might have fallen in love.  Let Katniss have her fit, and had Haymitch said something like “He can’t help how he feels, or that he was too scared to say anything until today.”  Then maybe Gale would have had to deal with the fact that she wasn’t coming home to him even sooner.

I don’t want to write a ‘fanfiction’ by the normal means.  I don’t want to write a fantastical telling of the story where something OTHER happens.  It’s not an AU.  It’s not going to be anything more than just Peeta’s side of the story.

I want it to talk of how he lived, and what he did in the Arena while Katniss was off doing her thing.  At least it’s something I think I can give the proper telling to, and it will give me something to do when I’m feeling so down, lord knows it almost killed him when he realized she didn’t love him.  Actually more than that, that Katniss didn’t even really care for him, and I would imagine it did hurt her image in his hearts eye, that she was willing to do just about anything to stay alive.
Surprise, a not so melodramatic blog post, and 2 in one day,  What’s this world coming to?

The truth?  I am alone in the office right now, I have no one to speak to, I’m already depressed and so I’m speaking to my blog, my viewers, and whoever might stumble upon this.  How are you faring this day?

Maddy

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One thought on “Random Utterings… (alone in the office)

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  1. As I’m reading your blog I am frowning and smiling. Obviously not at the same time since that’s kinda impossible, right? I am frowning because you are feeling blue and I’m smiling because you talk about Peeta and Katniss. I’m reading your blog about an hour after watching the movie. Stay positive and remember that tomorrow is a new day.

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