Young and Stupid

Oh to be young and stupid again.  I was fourteen, I had a new friend, and through her I’d have my first taste of ‘love’.  Not “love! Love, but the little lusty love.”  My new friends name was TheWeirdOne.  Her being weird was fine.  I was weird too.

We’d talk of the smell of  books, of music no one else in this Podunk town had ever dreamed of listening too, and  then like most girls of 14 we had a sleep over.  This is when I fell in love.

She had a brother.  He was older by two years.  He hung the moon.  He could do nothing wrong.  He was tall and handsome. And at 14 that was all that really mattered.  Oh and the most important thing was that he like ME.

At 14 I was not allowed to date, no scratch that.  I was not allowed to know what the other sex was.  I lived a rather sheltered life.   I bet if it were up to my family I’d still be living a rather sheltered life, that even with ALL the bad issues would have completely sucked.

I digress.

He was everything I thought I wanted. After that first night thing moved so fast, TheWeirdOne told me at school  the following Monday that her brother liked me, and I was over the moon.  Over the course of the next few weeks, I’d be walked from the band room back to the junior high, by my ‘boyfriend’ the older man, the sophomore.

We managed to see a movie as a date, we were smooth.  He drove himself to the movies, and I told my mom I really wanted to see a movie, and I’d saved my allowance just to go. He met me inside, bought my ticket and my drink/popcorn, and off we went to see.. you know, I don’t remember the movie. And as we necked through the whole thing, it’s no wonder.

If this story ended there it would be a sweet  romp into the realm of the teenager, but it does not.  I would find myself at my friends once more.  She made me promise to not hang out with her brother at all.

I agreed. We would dress in our swimsuits that day to lay out in the sun.  Then  we walked across the road to her neighbors, and I made another new friend. We played basketball for about an hour  when I had to pee.  I went back to TheWeirdOne’s house, and used the restroom, then as I was walking out into the hall, the brother popped up out of nowhere.

He proceeded to slobber all over me in the doorway to the bathroom.  When I finally disentangled myself from  his cthulu like tentacles, He asked me to dance.  He had CMT on the tv, and I for some reason, chalk it up to being fresh as new fallen snow, or to being young, but even after the tentacle tongue fest I said yes.

Before the song was through he had me on the floor and pinned.   I had lost track of time, and the logical part of my brain, while it was being drowned out by the rush of blood flowing indiscriminately through my body, had vied for dominance and started shouting “TheWeirdOne is going to check on you any moment.”

That’s when things turned bad, and quick.  I remember saying “Stop.”  But instead of stopping, he pinned my arms above my head.  Instantly I became Bambi in headlights.  I clammed up.  His hand rushed down my bathing suit.

Panic set in.  I had to get away, and suddenly fight or flight kicked in, and then so did I.  My knee went up of its own accord.  I made contact with some very sensitive areas, and I clambered away.  I made it outside before he got up, and just in time to stop TheWeirdOne from making it all the way back in the house.

Also if timing weren’t already perfect, I managed to get across the street with her before her mother drove up into the driveway.  The sleepover was ruined right then, but I didn’t realize it for a few more hours.

At bed time I realized I wasn’t safe there. It had nothing to do with actual safety, or with the ability of the brother to keep it in his pants.  I was no longer oblivious to what ‘might’ happen.  I wasn’t sure what would have happened, but I knew I didn’t want it.

I called my father to come get me, and I was home thirty minutes later, crawling into my twin size bed, across the room from my younger sister.  I cried as quietly as I could, and never spoke of that night  again.

My friend and I were never as close after that.  She found new friends, I ensconced myself in music.  TheWeirdOne and her brother moved the next year, and by the time they moved back I was a junior and he was engaged.  Life continued and I’ve lived with this secret for 20 years.

I’ve had good choices in people, and bad since then.  I  am sure it will continue.  We as  race just aren’t mind readers, therefore we can’t completely know another person, you just have to trust and hope they are worthy of that trust.



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