During my dating life I’ve come across a lot of people. Good people, the wrong people, bad people. People, People, People. The worst of all is the Asshole. This can be compounded from simple Asshole, to Alcoholic Asshole, Abusive Asshole, or even the Tri-fecta Alcoholic Abusive Asshole.
The AAA isn’t all that rare. It’s not as if being alcoholic doesn’t seem to lend itself to abuse. Those are the abusers you read about most. There books upon books with assholes in them. Most of those are alcoholic as well.
I did not make it to 34 without this scathing write of passage.
He was friendly when I was 22. He was cute, and a cop. I had the biggest crush on this older man. Then when I was 32 he walked back into my life. And unceremoniously stomped all over my heart.
In true abuse fashion it took months before the beast stuck out it’s head. The warning signs I know now, were there. He’d speak so poorly of his exes. He’d been married six times. (Yes I should have heard the Doctor yelling, “RUN MADISON!”) But I didn’t. I wasn’t expecting to fall for him.
In fact we had a nice long discussion in the beginning that we would just be friends. Then somehow or another he in his ‘sweet’ moments destroyed that notion.
He much like a heartworm, wormed his way through my system, through my walls, and ended up smack dab in my heart.
He had a beautiful daughter, she was 11 when I met him, and she was wonderful.. most of the time. She’d already started to pick up her father’s ability to worm and weasel and get what she wanted.
I fell for her more than he, and in the past few months realized that I stayed with him just so she had something stable in her life. That was not my place.
I left him in August of last year, here it is almost a year later, and he’s stolen my things, he’s stolen my friends, and he’s gotten married (within months of me kicking him out). I am better off, I didn’t need those friends, I didn’t need those things, and I didn’t lose my heart.
This has all been said to explain how I know of the evil AAA. And it’s my utmost hope that each and every reader here never goes through this. But let’s say you think you might have found the one. These are the signs I saw in him.
- Super smooth in public. (at least at first). He was able to worm his way into any situation and make everyone fall in love with him. Though he looked like a troll, and was 14 years my senior, no one had a problem being friends with this guy, because he was Just that smooth. (later this lent to him being able to keep me under his thumb, because none of my friends believed their friend would be capable of what he was doing.)
- He was a former cop. I don’t mean all cops are bad. FAR FROM IT. Some of my favorite people are amazing police officers. But he policed everything in his life, from work to house life, to what I could wear, say, do, and what I could put where. He was a cop for the power it gave, and now that he was no longer that he used everyday life to get that thrill.
- He not only badmouthed his current ex he made it a point to ostracize all of his past relationships, to the point that they were all crazy (certifiable).
- His stories were all so outlandish that they were hard to believe. One of which was ‘when I was in Afghanistan as a hired hitman (this should be read police teacher) I got drunk one night and woke up the next morning covered in blood. It was not my own.’ He was once ‘stabbed’ by his ex wife, when they were divorcing because he came to get his items. The same exwife was so controlling he couldn’t put any of his star trek stuff up in the house unless it was in the bedroom. (wow how the tables turned when we moved in together, I was not allowed to put anything up because We were adults, and we would live like it)
As time went on things got worse, until one night I was afraid for my life as well as my dogs. I decided then and there that it didn’t matter what the cost I’d leave him. I am better for it. I’ve learned a lot by being with him, I’ve learned you can listen intently to things men say and pick up on bad issues early on, before you become invested. I’ve also learned some bad things, such as walling yourself completely off.
Luckily for me, I didn’t manage to erect that wall completely, and someone new has managed to break it down bit by bit. So I’m very lucky, to have left with my life, and to be able to enjoy every moment of it.